How Can I Believe?

How can I believe
When all of my life those truths have become lies?
How can I believe
When my happiness has always turned to sorrow?
How can I believe
When childhood expectations of happily ever after
Are destroyed by the harsh reality
I am forced to accept?
How can I believe
When I am forced to deny my own self of freedom?

I can no longer believe that life is fair or just
Or that I may be blessed with happiness and peace.
My faith was destroyed by years of hurt and pain
And by disappointments too numerous to list.
I have now become a skeptic,a mistrusting soul
Who looks for the bad in people first
Instead of the good.

I have become hardened by the pain.
I accept defeat with reluctance.
I am surrendering my very soul
And I will no longer exist as a person.
I have broken under pressure.
I have lost my pride and hope for the future.

If I must exist in a threatening environment
Then I must surrender...
Rather than risk non-exsistance.
But if I surrender myself...
I will surely lose myself...
And I might never find myself again.

The Storm Within

                                                    

I am crying out to you...in silence
I can no longer handle the storm within.
The struggle between what I say and what I feel
Is tearing me apart....
And I am crying out for help.
My rage and anger create the storm within
That only you can calm.

The reality of my life creates this storm.
Predictable turmoil
Confused feelings
Repressed  feelings.
It has become more dangerous
For me to say what I feel
Than to say nothing at all.
I must guard my choice of words
And keep my fears inside.
I can feel the rage of repression...
I am crying out to you.
I can no longer handle the storm within.

But you are not there for me
You do not hear my crys
Nor do you help me.
You hear only what you want to hear.
You do not even realize that only you can calm
The storm within.