How Can I Believe?

How can I believe
When all of my life those truths have become lies?
How can I believe
When my happiness has always turned to sorrow?
How can I believe
When childhood expectations of happily ever after
Are destroyed by the harsh reality
I am forced to accept?
How can I believe
When I am forced to deny my own self of freedom?

I can no longer believe that life is fair or just
Or that I may be blessed with happiness and peace.
My faith was destroyed by years of hurt and pain
And by disappointments too numerous to list.
I have now become a skeptic,a mistrusting soul
Who looks for the bad in people first
Instead of the good.

I have become hardened by the pain.
I accept defeat with reluctance.
I am surrendering my very soul
And I will no longer exist as a person.
I have broken under pressure.
I have lost my pride and hope for the future.

If I must exist in a threatening environment
Then I must surrender...
Rather than risk non-exsistance.
But if I surrender myself...
I will surely lose myself...
And I might never find myself again.

The Storm Within

                                                    

I am crying out to you...in silence
I can no longer handle the storm within.
The struggle between what I say and what I feel
Is tearing me apart....
And I am crying out for help.
My rage and anger create the storm within
That only you can calm.

The reality of my life creates this storm.
Predictable turmoil
Confused feelings
Repressed  feelings.
It has become more dangerous
For me to say what I feel
Than to say nothing at all.
I must guard my choice of words
And keep my fears inside.
I can feel the rage of repression...
I am crying out to you.
I can no longer handle the storm within.

But you are not there for me
You do not hear my crys
Nor do you help me.
You hear only what you want to hear.
You do not even realize that only you can calm
The storm within.



                                               

                                                                                                                                                              

Walk By Faith

Walk by faith, will be our test,
Our biggest trial, let's do our best.

Walk by faith, as you depart-
Trusting God will be my part.

Walk by faith, as we adjust,
Learning lessons, building trust.

Walk by faith, a desperate hour,
Aching hearts, the Saviors power.

Walk by faith and sacrifice,
Counsel given, sound advice.

Walk by faith, the lesson learned,
The story told, the pages turned.

Walk by faith will prove to be
Our challenge through eternity.

Christmas Stocking

Decembers here...
There's a chill in the air
And we look forward
With much anticipation
To the holiday season.

A fire in the fireplace
The smell of christmas cookies
Hot apple cider
Cinnamon sticks.
Christmas music softly playing
Warms our hearts
And brings a peaceful smile
To us all.

And yet,
There is an emptiness in our hearts.
There is a sadness we all feel.
This christmas is different.
Our missionary is out in the field
And we feel the void.

Christmas decorations.
Carefully I open the box of treasures.
Santas and reigndeer
Bells and garland
Wreaths that mean so much.
Then my heartstrings are tugged
The lump in my throat tightens.
I open the box with your christmas stocking.
A tear rolls down my cheek as I carefully unfold it.
I read your name on it
And memories flood in.
What a special child you are!
How I miss you!

Decembers here...
And with much love and care
And a tear or two
I hang your christmas stocking.

Words On A Paper

Your letter came.
I can read between the lines.
Although you try to cover up,
I know you're down.
And what do I write back?
What words of encouragement
Can I offer you?
To buoy you up,
Or to help you smile?

My words on a paper
Are the only thing
That I can give to you
At this time.
I cannot reach out to you
And touch your arm
Or embrace you
Or comfort you with a hug.
I cannot do all those things
Which, as a mother,
I am compelled to do.

You are in the mission field.
And I am here at home.
And words on a paper
Have become my link to you.
Words on a paper
Have become my contribution
To comfort you.
Words on a paper have become
The only means I have
With which to send my love to you.
Words of love.
Words of encouragement.
Words on a paper.

We're Hoping To Hear From You

What's new? What's new?
We haven't heard from you.
It's been one week, going on two...
We're hoping to hear from you!

Things at home are ordinary,
But tell us, how's our missionary?
We're lonesome, it's true!!
We're hoping to hear from you!

We're writing letters everyday.
"Hope you're feeling well!" we say.
"Are you busy? Are you ill?"
We're hoping to hear from you still!

I know that when we get your letter
We will all feel so much better!
We miss you...its true.
We're hoping to hear from you!

Becoming A Missionary page2(cont.)

You headed off to the mission field
So far away.
Your faith and your spirit,
Your enthusiasm for the work
Is what we hold onto
Here at home.
We're so proud of you.
To see you go through
All these experiences,
To see your spiritual growth,
To see the fire of your testimony,
To see you...
Becoming a missionary.